This topic of trans youth of color being treated with respect and given the resources they need is very important to me. The biggest reason for that is my best friend, Tyler. I've known him since he was 16, before he accepted himself, and before he came out. I was the first person he told about being a transgendered male, we even talked about what he wanted his name to be now, how he wanted to start his transition and all the intricacies that would go into the process.
This past month he had a huge milestone, putting on his first suit for a formal event. It went great and he looked amazing, for the first time he was actually completely comfortable with himself in public. That being said, shortly after our formal event pictures of him in a suit were put on Facebook, his family started prying and questioning. They wanted to know if we were a couple, why he wore a suit, and in general what is going on. Which is extraordinarily difficult for him, given as he hasn't come out to his family yet and is terrified that his mother won't accept him.
Even though this story isn't mine, and the conflict isn't mine to live, I want to be there for him as much as I can, and I will be there for him through thick and thin. But this is an issue that affects not only Ty, but trans youth of color every day of their lives. No matter if you're an F to M or M to F, whether you choose to be masculine or feminine or nonconforming you should have the support and love of the people around you, because regardless of your identity you're a person, and you matter.
Before this recent event I interviewed Tyler, asking about his expressive choices, how he views himself as compare to how he thinks others view him, and how hard it is to stay strong and be his own version of unapologetically beautiful everyday.
This past month he had a huge milestone, putting on his first suit for a formal event. It went great and he looked amazing, for the first time he was actually completely comfortable with himself in public. That being said, shortly after our formal event pictures of him in a suit were put on Facebook, his family started prying and questioning. They wanted to know if we were a couple, why he wore a suit, and in general what is going on. Which is extraordinarily difficult for him, given as he hasn't come out to his family yet and is terrified that his mother won't accept him.
Even though this story isn't mine, and the conflict isn't mine to live, I want to be there for him as much as I can, and I will be there for him through thick and thin. But this is an issue that affects not only Ty, but trans youth of color every day of their lives. No matter if you're an F to M or M to F, whether you choose to be masculine or feminine or nonconforming you should have the support and love of the people around you, because regardless of your identity you're a person, and you matter.
Before this recent event I interviewed Tyler, asking about his expressive choices, how he views himself as compare to how he thinks others view him, and how hard it is to stay strong and be his own version of unapologetically beautiful everyday.
TYler Johnson Interview transcript
J: Talk to me. Tell me who you are. T: My name...well what name do you want me to use? J: Use your name. T: Tyler. J: Do you have a last name Tyler? T: Johnson. J: Or are you just like Beyonce, you don’t need no last name? T: I don’t need no last name. J: So, when did you accept the fact that you were trans? T: Last summer, a little while after graduation. It’s been something that I’ve kinda always known about myself, but I never explored it to any extent. I put myself in a box and I thought, ‘this is just what I am’, there's no changing by biology, but that wasn’t true. So when I started to accept that fact, I pushed that out of my head, I stopped trying to be apart of something that I’m just not apart of. I am not a cis female, it gets kind of frustrating, and it gets hard trying to play off being something that you’re not. J: You are a trans male. T: Yes J: What are some of the issues you’ve had with having to keep correcting people, or continuously having to come out to people? T: It’s hard for me, because I don’t like having a lot of attention on me, it makes me anxious. So it’s kinda been a struggle for me to speak up and say something, I really don’t like having the attention on me, especially when there are lots of people around. It makes me really nervous, so I kind of try to keep it myself, but at the same time I’m trying really hard more recently to be open with it and voice how I feel about it. J: Now, I bet you probably get a lot of questions, just because though you are a trans male you are quite “feminine”, like you do your makeup, you get your nails done, which are thought of as being things girls do. How do you think the way you make yourself feel beautiful and express yourself makes other people feel? T: I think most people think it’s really different and I don’t know if people would see it as being weird, but it’s just something that I really like. I like to get my nails done, I like to do my makeup, I like to look nice. Looking nice is kindof like my way of getting away from the world for a minute, to just focus on myself. And I feel like having that time for myself is very necessary, its very needed. I don’t get a lot of time to myself on a day to day, so when I’m getting my nails done or I’m getting my hair cut or I’m doing my makeup I’m taking a second to actually have a moment to myself and appreciate myself for a second. J: Can that be difficult when it comes to coming out and having to repeatedly tell people who you are, what you are, and you have to keep defining yourself to people? For a lot of people that can drive them into a depression, because they have to keep proving who they are, how do you think you’re able to keep your strong sense of self in tack and project beauty even through this tough situation you’re in? T: I think it’s really about focusing on myself, because people are going to misgender me and people are gonna say this and people are going to try and label me, but at the end of the day I’m just myself. That’s the biggest label I can have is: I’m just me. Even though it gets frustrating and it’s hard, people can sometimes be insensitive, which definitely happens, I try not to see it as a bad thing. Not everyone is educated about the seriousness of how other people are struggling because of who they are. People think that people can choose to feel this way, and I don’t think anyone would choose to be the person they are, they just are. Which makes it very hard to accept yourself, and that makes it hard for other people to accept you. So I really think making the best out of the situation is the best way to be yourself. And remember coming out is a choice but being yourself isn’t, and at the end of the day just try to remember who you are, because that's the most important part. J: How do you think other people see you? T: I don’t really think about it very often, but I know people off hand label me as female, because that's an instinct that we have as people, to automatically put that label on someone based on how they look. And obviously I have a feminine face, but I don’t see my face as feminine at all, and I feel like that is not something other people see. So it’s hard to have this idea of how I am and what I look like, and then other people see that completely different. J: And how do you see yourself? T: I see myself, again, I don’t see my face as feminine I see it as masculine, and I see myself as a stronger person because I have been able to accept myself instead of just pushing it into the deep dark corners that I don’t want to go into. I feel like I see myself as the type of person that can one day say, I’m proud I made it through this, and I’m proud that I’m a stronger person because of it. |